Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
