I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
