you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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