I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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