He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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