Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
