Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
