just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
