"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have post one night stand depression
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