I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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