I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
