I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
