franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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