I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
