He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
