Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
