i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
