I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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