Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
