We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
