he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
