Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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