By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
