I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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