so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
