PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
