Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
