Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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