We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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