Well apparently he's into motor boating.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
