I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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