just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
