I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
