so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
