Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dignity is for republicans.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
