The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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