I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
