yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
