Christians are straight up FREAKS
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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