So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
