I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
