took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
