12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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