i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
