She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
