Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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