just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
