Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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