Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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