My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
