Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
